How to Exercise Self-Compassion: The Key is Empathy and Vulnerability

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“I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” —Brené Brown

We’ve all heard the advice, “love yourself” and “be kind to yourself” more times than we can count, right?

I don’t know about you, but when I started down the road of personal development years ago, I doubted this sage advice. Mostly because I didn’t even understand what it meant.

I tried affirmations like “I love myself,” or “I am worthy,” and hoped they would work. And they did, kind of.

I could love myself, but only when I was doing, being, and living up to my (very high) expectations of myself. What this manifested was virtually the opposite of this great advice: I started to love myself only when I would achieve ___ (fill in the blank). It was completely conditional, and this began to spill over into my relationships with others as well.

To be honest, I almost gave up entirely on the whole self-love thing until I started Life Coaching school, and suddenly was faced with a lot of hard questions about my sense of self and self-worth. I realized I needed to revisit the whole “love yourself” thing. I found an amazing coach who, among other coaching methods, follows the Brené Brown Daring Way program.

I had read Brené Brown’s work in the past and honestly, it was a struggle for me. The concepts were so foreign to me that I glossed over the advice and didn’t really get much out of it. Fast forward to my coaching session and my coach asks me, “What is shame? What does worthiness mean to you? What does self-love look like to you?” And immediately I am in a tailspin of confusion and uncertainty.

If you are anything like me, you have spent a lifetime avoiding these terms because they scared you, (or am I the only one?) and unpacking them was some of the hardest and most rewarding work I have done on this personal development journey. It took guts.

I am happy to report that I was gutsy and took the plunge and I have come out the other side of all of this with a good understanding of what self-compassion looks like, and I want to share with you so you too can be gutsy and love…